Every day I walked in, I noted them. They were impossible to miss and yet I couldn’t do anything about it; the office windows. They were dingy, dirty, and covered with a greyish film consisting of years of dirt, rain, pollution, salt spray and whatever else floated by and stuck. The large windows provided much needed light but the dirtiness muted the light, the view, and the mood.
Then it happened….. I heard the beeping and saw the cherry picker raise up, bringing a crew of window cleaners. In about 10 minutes, they cleaned the entire span of windows; years and years of dirt and grime gone in just 10 minutes.
Wow, I what a difference!! I just stood there soaking it all in. Gone was all the years of dirt, dinge, and just ick. I had forgotten what it was like to have a clear view. The deep blue sky, dotted with white clouds actually looked inviting. The distractions we had grown accustomed too, were now gone. The natural daylight fills the office unfettered, making it bright and cheery. The mood instantly is better.
At times my life can be like those dirty, dingy windows. Things are going along, then something happens. Some dirt gets stuck if you will. Then more dirt sticks to it and soon, my vision is cloudy. For whatever reason, I do not, will not, or cannot address whatever the “dirt” is. Maybe the dirt is fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being judged. Maybe the dirt is pain, emotional or physical, or both. Could be anything, but I don’t like it and I know it, but “I’ll change it later”. Day after day goes by. Days turn into months, months into years and the dirt is still there. By this time, I’m used to the dirt, have accepted it as normal and have totally forgotten what its like to see clearly. I lose the clear vision.
Then it happens; an unexpected, but much needed change occurs. Someone or something appears at the perfect time and all that old “dirt” is cleared. Wow!! I can’t believe how much dirt there was and how much clearer things are. I am glad the dirt is gone, but at the same time, I am grateful for it because now I truly appreciate being able to see clearly. What a blessing it is to have the distractions removed, to see the light brightly and to see clearly.
“That’s barely burning” I said as I looked down at the jar candle. I like to use candles in the bathroom instead of the bright lights and loud fan. It just makes a shower or bath that much more calming. Without a thought, I grabbed another jar candle, lit it and it burned bright. Perfect!
Upon exiting the shower, what I saw next made me stop and reflect for a minute. I looked over and both jar candles were burning brightly and had the exact same flame height. It was as if the brightly light candle had somehow shared it’s light with the other one and now both were burning brightly.
I immediately thought of my life and how at times I’ve felt discouraged, lost and just not “burning bright”. Every time someone has appeared with a bright countenance, encouragement, and just shared their light. By being in their presence, it helped me to become brighter.
As I took this deeper, I wondered if it was really that simple. Had I been making it too hard for so long? Could it be that all I need to do is just humbly and gratefully let my light shine day every day, to everyone no matter what, no matter the situation? Could it be that in times of despair, all I really needed to do was be there? Taking it one step further; why wait for things to be bad, why not BE there ALL the time?
The water dripped onto the floor as these insights flowed through my mind. Who knew lighting a couple of candles could trigger such deep thoughts and emotions. Who knew that such changes in my perspective could occur from such a simple act.
What a feeling of freedom to just BE….and share the light.
Have a beautiful day!
“Sir, Sir!!” the guy waved at me from across the grocery store’s dimly lit parking lot. I cautiously slowed and powered down the window.
“I left the lights on in my car and now it won’t start. I have my elderly Mom with me and just need a jump start. Someone else has offered to jump start it, but their car is too small. I think we need an SUV like yours to get mine started”.
Sure enough, there was a small car with jumper cables connected to his SUV. I’ll admit, I’m a bit skeptical at times like these, but at the same time I’ve been stranded my share of times and had someone appear at just the perfect time.
The guy continued that he didn’t know anything about cars and was totally over his head on things like this. I could tell he was really upset, as can happen in times like this. His elderly Mom was quiet, but capable and effortlessly offered an extra hand or held a flashlight.
We connected my SUV; let it charge for a few minutes and then he cranked his. It would turn over, but not start. Hmmmm…..there was a familiar sound that was missing, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was.
I broke out my heavy jumper cables and tried again. Still the same result. By now, the guy was getting even more upset. “Why do things like this always happen to me!!?” “This is going to be expensive!!!”. Meanwhile, his Mom just watched and allowed whatever to unfold.
I put my gear away and shone the flashlight under the hood. The transverse engine looked like so many engines I’ve seen before. The driver’s side had the air filter, throttle body, and intake hardware. The passenger side had the serpentine belt, A/C, alternator, power steering.
I asked him to start it and still I sensed something was missing. As he started it, the engine turned about ¼ of a turn and then stopped. It was then I realized what I thought the problem was.
Usually when you start a car, no matter what brand, there is a sound of power as the starter turns the engine over. You can almost feel the torque, especially if you have the hood up. Not so here; every crank was a feeble attempt to turn the engine over.
“May I give it a try?” I asked. The guy, leapt out of the driver’s side, glad to be away from it. I had a feeling that if could’ve just run away, he probably would’ve.
As I got in, I just bumped the key slowly, just enough to move the engine. I really wasn’t trying to start it; I was proving a theory with each bump. With each bump, the engine made the usual, anemic sound and didn’t start. However……
Now and then one bump sounded solid and I quietly said “darn, I missed it”. After a few more iterations, I had a rhythm. Every 3-4 bumps would be anemic, but the 4th or 5th one would catch.
This process took a few minutes as I figured out what was happening. Meanwhile outside of the car, the drama was building even more. “I knew we should’ve never come here!” the guy exclaimed. “Can you call someone, does he know what do, and is he awake!!?” He was feeling lost, stranded, and just wanted out of here and it showed. His Mom retained her composure throughout and silently watched me.
I bumped the key a couple of more times and then waited. “C’mon baby, I know we can do this” I said under my breath. I knew I could start this car; I just needed one important piece of nuts and bolts to line up just perfectly one time.
One more turn of the key, confidently, putting it all on the line with this one shot. I had missed a few opportunities earlier, but this time I was going for it. I turned the key all the way and held it………with a solid, familiar sound the SUV roared to life!!
Woohoo!! I had a feeling I could do it, but to actually hear it run was quite rewarding.
The guy hurriedly began throwing everything back into the SUV. At one point, I had a feeling he was going to run me, his Mom, and my SUV over if we all didn’t move. He just wanted out of there!
Meanwhile, Mom asked me what it was. In 30 seconds or less, I explained that the starter had a dead spot and all I did was bump it around till I found the one place it’d catch. Not a fully technical explanation, but enough so she’d understand.
She calmly and graciously said thank you many times as I lowered the hood and prepared to leave. She said they would go home now and I said “you can go anywhere you want, as long as you leave it running”. We both just laughed and I watched them peel out of sight, almost literally.
I sat for a second, amazed at how the mom was so composed and the son was so dramatic. What a dichotomy of emotions and character!
As I rolled away, I couldn’t help but remember the times I was that same person; stranded, alone and someone took the time and courage to get me on my way. I had a renewed sense of gratitude for those times of rescue and said a quiet thank you for being able to lend a hand to get them on their way.
You never know what events will transpire, whom you’ll meet, but somehow it all comes full circle and that’s what makes life interesting.
As you can probably tell, I haven’t written here for a while. I took a solo 3 week road trip covering 6 thousand miles and it was fun and life changing. I ended up camping for two weeks in the mountains without electricity, water or even cell phone service. I was in a campground only 5 miles from a small town so I wasn’t totally isolated but enough to enjoy it.
It took me 4 days of driving to arrive at my destination. As the miles ticked by, the ancillary habits and disruptions began to disappear. I was leaving it all on the side of the road and it was ALOT!! I feel bad for the people mowing the right of ways!
That was just the beginning, much like peeling a peach. Once in the mountains, the rest of the distractions melted away and I was left at the core of who I really was. Who was that anyway? I’ve been running for so long, it was time to take a much-needed break.
Without the disruption of modern conveniences, the mirror kept getting polished and I’d see things that’d make me stop and go really? I do that? Or at times, make me cry as I realized some of the crazy things I’d done.
I realized I was just living on habit and not really conscious of what I really wanted. Here in the fresh mountain air and nothing to do all day long it was pretty easy to look inward.
Course seeing what needs to be changed and then doing it are two different things. I returned home and immediately made changes. For example, I changed my work schedule from 10 hour days back to 8 hour days. I had been going in at 6:45am and leaving at 5:30pm; breakfast was something microwaved and ate at my desk. My entire life revolved around work.
Now I get up, cook (not microwave) a good breakfast and eat at home. I take time to pray, plan my day, and set intentions. I arrive at work relaxed and ready to go. I continued to focus on my health, both physical and mental and began working out again. Not just working out, but doing things I love for exercise.
What a difference in my countenance and attitude with just those two simple changes! I am continually making adjustments to live consciously instead of just via habit. Some days though, I feel the pull to slide back into those old habits. It’s easy to change when you’re isolated in the wilderness, but back at home in the thick of things, it is a lot more effort.
As soon as I returned, a friend took a 3 month vacation into the mountains. Two weeks in, I received a phone call and the hard, annoying person was replaced by a calmness and peace. Ahhh….there’s my friend. They were beginning to experience the cleansing that occurs when you step outside of yourself.
For me going to the mountains was just the ticket. You may prefer the beach or somewhere else. Whatever you enjoy, I’d highly recommend taking some quality time to step outside of yourself without distraction. It’s a great way to get back in touch with who you really are and focus on what you really want to accomplish.
I’m riding home after work when my phone rings. Hmmm… I don’t recognize that number, I’ll let it go to voicemail.
At home, I cooked dinner, fed the pets, and did my thing and then I remembered that voicemail. I played it back and immediately looked at the clock. As the message went on, I could not believe what I was hearing. My heart sank!!
The message was an opportunity to shoot and produce a video for a live performance. The gentlemen who called has done some great work and this would’ve been an opportunity to sharpen my skills. I could’ve made it if I would’ve checked the message earlier, but now it was too late….
Aside from being angry at myself, I felt like an idiot, to put it mildly. Here was an opportunity to do what I love that could’ve opened other doors and not only didn’t I answer the phone, I didn’t check the messages. What good is technology if I don’t use it?
I know I like to think how events or situations will play out, but often good things come in unexpected ways. So next time the call comes, answer it or at least check the message right away. You never know what opportunity could be awaiting.
